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Do you speak English? Englische Sprüche und Witze for Germans

Der englische Humor ist berühmt-berüchtigt und für nicht-Einheimische nicht immer einfach zu verstehen. Besonders wenn man selbst einen englischen Witz erzählen möchte oder mal locke flockig einen englischen Spruch ins Gespräch werfen möchte, muss man die Sprache schon einigermaßen beherrschen. Es ist halt viel Sprachwitz dabei.

Wenn Sie also Ihre englischsprachigen Freunde zum Schmunzeln bringen oder Ihre deutschen Freunde mit Ihrem englischen Humor beeindrucken wollen, finden Sie hier englische Witze und Sprüche für jede Gelegenheit. Damit können Sie glänzen, auch wenn Sie sprachlich nicht ganz so sattelfest sind.

  • A boy who lives with his grandmother can't find his missing drugs so he goes to her and asks, "Grandma, have you seen my pills labeled LSD?" She replies, "FUCK YOUR PILLS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE DRAGONS IN THE KITCHEN?"

  • Together forever and never apart, maybe by distance but never by heart.

  • Women in the army? We need our girls for love not for war

  • more dangerous than ignorance is the illusion of knowledge

  • It's nice to be important, but more important to be nice.

  • If your girlfriend is having a baby, join the Army or the Navy!

  • »You can say 'you' to me.« Dr. Helmut Kohl.

  • Life is short - eat dessert first!

  • Smile, it confuses people.

  • Revenge is a dish best served cold.

  • It's better to burn out than to fade away.

  • a coward dies a thousand deaths a warrior only once

  • It doesn't need a big man to knock somebody down, just a litte courage to lift him of the ground!

  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them you'll be a mile away and wearing their shoes!

  • WhenevMess with the best and burn like the rester you think it's the end of the world, remember it's already tomorrow in Australia!

  • Mess with the best and burn like the rest

  • I am a home to your homeless heart!

  • I wanna be your T-shirt when it´s wet, I wanna be the shower when you sweat. But more than anything I swear: I wanna be your underwear!

  • In the past,I was a fairytale.Today, I'm a legend.

  • People who say nothing is impossible should try gargling with their mouths closed.

  • Never run from anyone immortal, it attracts their attention.

  • A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.

  • You cant use up creativity.the more you use ,the more you have.

  • Life in a vacuum sucks.

  • As I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil.

  • Always remember, never forget

  • Faith is the daring of the soul.

  • A true friend is someone who says nice things behind your back.

  • The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

  • Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

  • Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.

  • To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer

  • Fortune favours the brave.

  • The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.